Out of the Blue

Here's an update on the ending I'm experiencing due to the recent loss of my job with the church. On Friday, January 8th, I interviewed with a local community college for a position with one of their distance education campuses. The following Wednesday, I got a call back asking me to attend a second interview. I did, and was offered the job. What's more, I found that my level of experience and education put me at a salary level similar to the job that is ending. The benefits are much better, and there is the added bonus of not having to worry about whether my position will continue to be funded. For the past six years at the church, and for the almost-eight years before that at the mission, there was the almost daily worry of whether the money would hold out. I know that the job market is tough and has been for a long time now. I know that there are lots of folks out there who have been searching for months and cannot find employment that meets their financial needs. I kn...

In 2004, William Bridges wrote Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. The subject of the book is exactly what it seems to be; Bridges explores the changes we experience in life and how we tend to handle them. During the course of the book, Bridges suggests that before there can be a beginning, there must be an ending. In other words, something old has to stop before something new can begin. Thus the title of this post, "The Beginning in the End." And also, if you're a fan of the TV show Bones - I am - then you recognize it as a nod to the 22nd episode of the fifth season. In that episode, nearly everyone who worked together at the Jeffersonian scatters for the four corners of the earth. It is the end (seemingly) of a very successful team and partnership. I started working at Cherokee Church in 2009. It was another beginning in an ending. My 18 year marriage was dissolving and I needed full-time work to support my kids. In order to come to Cherokee, I had to re...

How can it be December already? For what it's worth, it feels like just a couple of months ago, it was spring-time; I was watching leaves pop out on the trees and reveling in the warmer weather and the hyacinths and daffodils blooming in my yard. I blinked - and slept a few times - and now it is December. The trees are bare and the landscape is grey. Where in the world did the time go? I've noticed that the older I get, the faster time passes. I'm sure there's an equation straight from Einstein's brain that would explain this phenomenon, but for now, it's enough that I've noticed it. I am older, time passes faster. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing still while the world whirls on around me. Is it any wonder I'm dizzy? Confused? Left feeling like I've missed important things? And yet each minute, each hour, seems to crawl by with the same snail's pace as always. Years ago, I sat with my dad in the hospital, waiting for my mother to come...

These are only dreams. Reality is very different. In reality, little boys can pick up their father's guns and kill the little girl down the street. In reality, a man can make an anonymous purchase over the internet of enough ammunition to kill a dozen of people in a crowded theater, or nine students innocently seeking an education. Reality is inescapable, except in dreams - which is likely why we need them so much. This is one of mine, cased in my reality, which just happens to suck today; I am in a lot of pain and don't have the energy or the guts to push through it and go on with work, school, life. Better to seek solace in dreams. I awoke in the night to the sound of the windchimes on the front porch. The curtains lifted, shifted; a breeze stole into my room. The night was black outside the window. The music of rain mingled with the chimes; fine-fingered droplets combed through the trees and if I held my breath, I could hear the the dying leaves sigh as they released their...

I like having choices, but I don't like having to choose. I know how little sense that makes. It seems like a paradox, doesn't it? But it's true - having options is great, but when I'm comfortable with things as they are, I don't really like being faced with choices. Sometimes, the choice might lead me to a better situation, a better job, better education, or even better health. But, there's always that fear that I'll be jumping out of the safety of the boat, thinking I can walk on water like Jesus, and then sink like a stone. I was presented with a couple of opportunities just last week that put me in this kind of situation. A friend called to tell me about a job opening that she thought I'd be interested in. I wasn't sure that I was interested, frankly - I really enjoy my current jobs - but I thought it would be interesting to actually hear a bit more about the position, so I called and left a message. After a little back-and-forth, I had an in...

It has been an up and down, crazy kind of week. Some really good things have happened; the Supreme Court upheld marriage equality, for one. I am heterosexual but I believe in equal rights and am deeply passionate about my certainty that God loves and values everyone. Marriage equality seems to me to be a part of that. No one should be excluded from the ability to marry if they so choose. In addition, The Court upheld the ACA subsidy in states that did not expand Medicare, which is also an issue of human rights from my point of view. I believe that everyone should have access to health care and again, I believe that this is part of extending God's love in our world. Bravo, SCOTUS. Some not-so-good things have also happened. I have had health difficulties and life has become more problematic because of them. The Enbrel has not yet had time to take effect. I've been off Methotrexate for six weeks now, and my disease is flaring every few days. Fatigue, pain, fatigue, pain...the r...

Since I've been diagnosed with RA, several people have asked me what RA pain feels like. Well, really, it's a crap-shoot. It depends on the day and the relative reason for the pain. Obviously, the pain is all caused by the disease, but sometimes the triggers are different. Stress causes pain. Over-work causes pain. Exhaustion causes pain. Today, I am having pain and I can't pinpoint what brought it on. I have been careful not to push myself too hard this weekend, so I know it isn't physical exertion. But since this pain is keeping me awake when I desperately need sleep, I thought I'd try to describe it. Imagine that deep within your joints, there lives a colony of tiny demons. These evil little bastards love nothing more than to torture; they live for the sole purpose of creating exquisite agony. Sometimes they attack your joints with blowtorches and you feel as though you are burning from the inside out. Sometimes they go after you with hammers and chisels; each ...