Out of the Blue

I have not looked at, or even thought about, this blog for quite sometime. On March 13th, 2020, I was preparing to go home from work for what we all assumed would be a two week break while we worked out how we could keep a college campus open and still manage to stay healthy in the face of Covid-19. We were closed to the public that afternoon as we scrambled to clear out our offices so they could be deep cleaned and sanitized. My assistant and I went through the building, wiping down doors and surfaces. We talked about what we would do to stay safe when we returned. We shared our worries - I am younger than she is, but her health is better than mine. Still, we both fall into a high-risk category for severe or deadly infection from the novel coronavirus. We filled out forms to enable us to work from home for the next two weeks, and I put together a list of tasks for us to complete during our time out of the office.  Two weeks turned into five months - 2020 became the year that wasn'...

I consider myself lucky because I don't have enemies these days. In the past I have, unfortunately, known people who wished me ill. Some of these people actually caused physical, emotional, and psychological damage. But that time in my life is over, thank God. These days, my greatest enemy is... Stress. I bet you thought I was going to say myself, right? Well, at one time in my life that would have been true. I have been at war with myself off and on for most of my 40+ years. But not anymore. If there is one thing that years of therapy has done for me, it is to remove my ennui toward who I am. No, I am comfortable with myself. I know who I am, what I love, what I need, and what I want. I have a realistic sense of my own self-worth and a willingness to work hard for the good things I deserve, whether those are relationships, better health, or just quiet down-time. A lot of my stress comes from my job. Most of it, if I'm being truthful. When things are good there, I love it...

I seem to spend a lot of time this way - sleepless, and alone. It is Friday night and I am very tired. It has been a long week. Earlier this month, my rheumatologist prescribed prednisone in a low dose, and I have been feeling better, but the last few days have been physically difficult. I've been very busy at work - and thankfully, very able to tolerate that level of activity. But not pausing to rest took its toll. By Wednesday night, I was unable to keep food down. I think it was a combination of medication and over-work, with a nice dose of stress thrown in. I was sick for most of that night, woke up sick the next day, and ended up working from home just in case it was contagious. By that afternoon, I felt better. I went to work this morning and managed to put in a full day in the office. That's a good thing, and it's probably due to the steroid. The problem is that steroids aren't a long-term treatment. The rheumatologist said I could continue this course of treat...

Yesterday started out clear and cold, but by late afternoon, clotted clouds covered the sky. I didn't have to look out the window to know that, because the waves of exhaustion and low-grade fever started rolling over me at around 11 am. As soon as that first burning sensation in my ears and eyelids hit, I knew that a low-pressure system was moving through. Most of the prevalent information that is available insists that people with rheumatoid arthritis have never been proved to suffer unduly during rainy or cold weather. The prevailing information is wrong. Yesterday's exhaustion was debilitating. I was at work when it hit, and found myself in danger of nodding off in the middle of some critical tasks. I consumed coffee and went for a walk through the building, hoping to wake myself up. It helped a bit, but when I came back to my office and settled in again, sleep washed over me until I felt as though I was drowning. I put aside the bank reconciliations I was doing and inst...