Out of the Blue

 In 2013, after the loss of my beloved father, I started having multiple health issues. It began with several UTIs, or maybe one long-lasting UTI that seemed to clear up but kept returning. Then, I had two kidney stones. From June through September, I felt terrible most of the time. I was exhausted, struggling to push away my grief, and focused on a job that brought me no joy. I was in a relationship that I depended on with a man I loved and trusted completely; I’d have cheerfully laid down my life for him. This was no small thing since I do not trust easily. I recall waking up one Sunday morning beside him, stretching, and crying out in pain. My entire body hurt. There wasn’t a muscle or a joint that wasn’t affected, from my neck to my toes. I felt as though I was catching the flu, complete with the full body aches, fever, and exhaustion it brings. Cold fear welled up in my mind; the recollection of that moment is as sharp and clear as though it just happened yesterday. I knew w...

I've lost some things recently - my best friend, back in January; a beloved honorary niece, in February; the little dog who saved my life three years ago, in July. My friend died of complications from a brain tumor. My niece was tragically killed in a terrible accident that took three of her friends as well. My little dog, Oskar, died of cancer the week after my birthday. Maybe it doesn't seem as though Oskar should be listed with these other, huge losses, but the people who know me understand that being listed with my dog means I really, really love the people I mentioned. It has been a strange and terrible year. The recent rise in racial tensions, the troubling changes in our government, and the lack of leadership at the highest levels have combined to create a great deal of stress for most of us. The emotional pain of loss complicates that stress. That is why I have not written much in the past months; it takes most of my energy just to get through my days, work, and home....