Out of the Blue

Tomorrow is the big day, the day I've been waiting for since I was diagnosed with RA. Tomorrow is Enbrel day. I saw my doctor on April 9th and she prescribed Enbrel for me then because Methotrexate wasn't working very well. Unfortunately, I had a massive rash on the left side of my body from neck to the tips of my fingers, so I had to wait until that cleared before starting the new medication. That meant stopping Methotrexate and not replacing it with anything else for two weeks. I know that Methotrexate wasn't helping enough, but I had no idea how much it was helping until I stopped taking it. The last few days have been hard. By Sunday of this week I was walking with a cane again, and today was consistently painful from start to finish. The only medication I take for pain is Tramadol, and I take one of those daily, as needed. Today, I felt like I needed one every couple of hours. But the end of the day is here, and it is almost bedtime, and tomorrow is the big day! I am...

I had my rheumatologist visit today. For those of you who follow my progress with RA, here's my latest news. I am off Methotrexate! WOOHOO! I can't say I'm sorry to see it go. I felt better for the first month or two of MTX, but the benefits faded over time. So it's out with the old and in with the new. In this case, the new is Enbrel. I am registering for Enbrel support this afternoon. I may qualify to receive my first six months for free, and afterward with only a $10 copay per month. That is perfectly reasonable. I am glad, because though I hope it doesn't happen, there is the possibility that my work could change in the near future and my health insurance might change right along with it. But more than the financial aspect, I am glad to be able to move away from the medications that aren't working and into something that just might really change my health for the better. The past month has been hard, but the past two weeks have gone beyond hard to insane...

A year ago tonight was one of the worst nights of my life. Or I thought it was. It was the night when my boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half of serious relationship. He had hinted at marriage several times, and it was understood between us that it was what we were both looking for. Then I got sick, and everything changed.. At first, he just seemed distant. Then it was more than distance - I knew he didn't want to be there when we were together. He was more than a million miles away. He wasn't even on the same planet. I asked him several times what was wrong, and if he was happy in the relationship. He would only speak briefly about anxiety and depression, but refused treatment. Pride would not allow him to seek help. It was something, he said, he had to deal with on his own. So he broke up with me and I really thought it would kill me. I nearly let it kill me, truth be told. After all, the rest of my life had fallen apart. What was there to live for? I had lost...