Celebrate

It is 3:21 am and I can't sleep. Well, that's nothing new. For the past week, I've been waking up at around 1:30 am and it doesn't seem to matter how much melatonin I take - sleep just isn't working right now. Fortunately, it's Saturday morning, so I don't have anywhere specific to be in a few hours. I can be as relaxed as I need to.

It has been a long time since I've written here. Not because I've magically gotten well - I haven't. I received test results today that show the disease is continuing to progress, despite the increases in medication over the past few months. My right knee doesn't really look like a knee anymore - I'll spare you the description. The knuckles on my left hand seem to expand daily. There is always back pain and joint pain. But I have been feeling great anyway, and I can tell you why:

Because I choose to.

Things are hard. I work full time. I am in school full time. I just added another eight hour/week job with complicated duties, which I will perform from home in my spare time (whatever the heck that is). But all that stuff is good, and everything functions in harmony with my life. What I sacrifice now in regards to time and energy and effort will bring good things in the future. Physically, things are not so great, but I've come to the conclusion that I can't really let that affect my life the way I did in 2014. I know there will be some days when I can't function; I expect and accept that. But I won't stop trying. I won't stop working to improve, to feel as good as I can, and to live the kind of life that brings me satisfaction and joy.

For the time being, I think I've moved through the night's insomnia. I'm thankful it's Saturday, and I can sleep in. Later on, when I'm rested, I'm going to take myself out for Valentine's Day. Who knows, I might even gift myself with some chocolate and flowers. Life is good, even when it doesn't feel that way. I intend to celebrate every moment.


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