Bridges

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I'd like to have a nickel for every time I say the words "I'm tired" during the day. If I did, I could probably afford to go on a nice vacation every year. I'm tired is the phrase I say most often, and usually when I say it, I am speaking in relation to my physical state. But sometimes, like today, I mean it in relation to what is going on in the world around me.

I'm tired of living as a blue woman in a red state, of pretending to fit in to the general political climate around me.

I'm tired of holding on to a pleasant expression when someone comes up to me and tells me, straight-faced, that Sandy Hook and Parkland aren't real and that the mass-shooting in Las Vegas didn't really happen.

I'm tired of being taken to task by relatives who disagree with my politics, my faith, and the way I live.

I'm tired of people saying that they agree with Trump about immigrants from what he calls "shithole" countries, and then these same people turn around and post bible verses and congratulate each other on their piousness.

I'm tired of pastors and evangelicals who claim to speak for God, saying that God chose Trump to lead this country, and making excuses for the outrageous, egregious acts of this administration against the last and least; the very ones God commands us to love and treat with the most respect.

Frankly, I'm tired of hypocrisy. I'm tired of it in others, and I'm tired of it in myself. I'm tired of feeling as though I have to pretend to be someone I'm not to keep friendships, to avoid offending people I know, or to keep from having my tires slashed by people who disagree with my bumper stickers. 

That leaves me with some choices. Do I keep hiding who I am so I can go along to get along? Continue existing in a backwards community populated with people who have elevated ignorance to the point of idolatry? Or do I own my truth and take the consequences? I do not belong here, as much as I love my home state, with its mountains, lakes, and rivers. Government here is not going to change just because I want it to, even though I work for change. The people are not going to learn to value education and knowledge just because I hope they will. I know there is no Mecca to which I can retreat that will be perfect, but there has to be something better than this. Maybe it is time to cross some bridges, and not worry about whether or not they burn.

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