Out of the Blue

In August of this year, my doctor finally convinced my insurance company that the traditional TNF blockers like Simponi, Enbrel, and Humira weren't working for me. She prescribed Orencia. It is a once-a-month infusion, and finally - FINALLY - something is working! Is it a perfect cure? No. But I have been able to wean off steroids - I took my last 2.5 mg dose last week. It is taking my body some time to get adjusted to not having that Prednisone boost, but this morning, I woke up with a bit more energy and a bit less stiffness. However, I have been through a year-long odyssey of unabated pain, swelling, and joint deterioration. I started writing about it in July of this year, but it was too depressing to continue, so I let it go. During that year of extreme fatigue and pain, I almost believed that I would never get better; that the dark hollow I found myself inhabiting was the extent of my life. Thankfully, it was not - but I know that there are more valleys and hollows ahead. That

I'd like to have a nickel for every time I say the words "I'm tired" during the day. If I did, I could probably afford to go on a nice vacation every year. I'm tired is the phrase I say most often, and usually when I say it, I am speaking in relation to my physical state. But sometimes, like today, I mean it in relation to what is going on in the world around me. I'm tired  of living as a blue woman in a red state, of pretending to fit in to the general political climate around me. I'm tired of holding on to a pleasant expression when someone comes up to me and tells me, straight-faced, that Sandy Hook and Parkland aren't real and that the mass-shooting in Las Vegas didn't really happen. I'm tired of being taken to task by relatives who disagree with my politics, my faith, and the way I live. I'm tired of people saying that they agree with Trump about immigrants from what he calls "shithole" countries, and then the